Tuesday, 10 November 2009


I bought a mascara last week.

It cost £28.

That is a silly amount of money to spend on a mascara.

(That is also a silly amount of money to spend on a Twix but I wasn't falling for that again!)

As a stay at home mum the purchase of a mascara is pretty exciting and empowering. It's something to look forward to.
A reason to go to to the shops.
And completely unnecessary.

It's not like I use it like toothpaste. I don't get through a tube every few weeks.
I don't even think I have ever used all of any single mascara up.
Is that even possible?
I doubt I will ever have to deal with the panic that a mascara famine would cause.

I don't even use the stuff every day.

Or every week.

But I like having it and knowing it is there. You know, like us and Canada.

I have mascara and after a few weeks/months I will inexplicably decide it needs replacing.

My current mascara is inadequate.

It is broken.

It is rubbish.

I mean, it may as well be poison.

Out with the dangerous toxic weapon.

In with a new beautiful thick lashed dream.

Years ago a very wise lady in Jackie magazine said you should replace your mascara every 3 months to avoid, oh, I can't remember, getting a lazy eye or something.

Insanity, I thought at the time.

Now this extravagant beauty tip enables my addiction.

I need a new mascara.

This is now fact.

No need to rush into anything though, eh?

Don't want to make a decision I could regret?

I need to research the market.

A lot will have changed in the mascara world since my last purchase.

And what am I looking for anyway?

Do I want definition?





Telescopic lashes?

Stilettos? (On my eyes?!?)

No clumps?



And how much am I going to spend?

Do I have enough Boots points?

Hang on.


Yes, really.

There are several vibrating mascaras currently available.

On my last count, literally seconds ago, I noted four.

It was immediately obvious, I would have to have one. But which?

As if I didn't know already.

If you are going to buy an electric mascara you can't skimp.

You need the best.

The Rolls Royce of black eye gunk.

Also known as the most expensive one I could find.

It's ok though.

I could buy it from Debenhams and use my £10 voucher.

I am actually saving money.

I'm there.

In the shop.

Asking for assistance.

Making the purchase.

Engaged in the full on sale transaction.

Yes, the receipt can go in the bag.

No, I don't want a sample sachet of mustard coloured foundation.

I'm gone.

And I'll take my posh make up with me.

We arrive back at my place.

I try not to rush things.

The mood has to be right.

If I rush the application it could all go horribly wrong. Be a dreadful embarrassing mess. Could be all over in seconds.

A new mascara is best now. When it is still in it's shiny box.

All guarantees pending.

My eyelashes will look like they do on the telly, only without the inserts and airbrushing.

Almost vaguely similar then?

I break the seal on the box There is no going back now.

It looks like a normal mascara which is reassuring but also slightly disappointing considering I have spent a lot of money on motorised make up.

Oh look! There's a button! An 'on' button. Let the oscillation commence!

My life didn't change.

My lashes looked the same really.

Just a bit darker.

It can't be the make up's fault it was a non-starter.

I feel guilt!

It's not you, it's me.

I'm not experienced enough.

You're too sophisticated for a girl like me.

We need to learn together.

Teach me your elegant defined ways and I will let you stay in my make up bag for a maximum of 4 months.

I have used my vibrating mascara twice. It doesn't seem to pack much of a punch when it comes to volume.

So, it seemed only right, in the interests of science and research for me to buy another, to compare.

Yesterday I bought my second mascara in 6 days.

And I haven't even opened it.


  1. I commend your selfless research. You truly understand what it is to be a woman.

  2. I believe a some before and after photos would be a commendable addition to this fine missive?

    And really, is it not that good? Gutted... I've been looking forward to getting one as a reward for beginning the selfless task that is the Xmashannucfestivhellity spluge...

  3. I am glad to see that you are so dedicated in your research of a very important topic. Think I must the same effort into researching coffee and cakes, xxx

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